Signs that you’re burned out/stressed out and NEED a break.(GUEST POST for @didyouknowthesefacts)

 

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source:tumblr-culturalgif

 

 


 

This is a guest-post for didyouknowthesefacts.The blog is really cool, and I’m so glad that we decided to write guest-posts for each others’ blogs.The guest-post for this blog will be posted soon!The blog has a DGGYST vibe, and you should check it out!

Now, let’s get to the point of this blog-post.

I’m known, among my friends’ circle, as the workaholic(yes, although I’m still a student) who’s always either too excited, too stressed, or too anxious about things.I also find sleep really boring.There’s always so many things to do, so many new things to learn and try out, and so little time.

I’m always doing something that needs brain-power, or physical strength.And I’m always really hyped up.Seriously.I’m always hyped up.

But that also means that with spending so much energy everyday, I get burned out quite often.And it’s not cute.I hate that feeling of no motivation and the urge to procrastinate.

Here are 10 signs that you probably need to chill and take it easy.

1)You get tired more often than before.

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source:tumblr-culturalgifs

Do you see yourself skipping class or work more often than before?Do you get exhausted, or snap at people more?If yes, you should probably take a breather and watch some Netflix or something.You need a break.

2)You crave stuff more often.

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source:kirby

 

This is a huge indicator that you’re stressed.Look, I’m not going to get into the scientific side of this, but trust me, this is completely true.When you’re doing too much or when you’re stressed, your body craves certain kinds of food a lot more.

3)You have a hard time concentrating.

Whenever I can’t concentrate on the things that I love, like art or French, I know that I need a break from that thing.If you’re going through this, try doing something else.Pick up a new hobby.I’m an artist, but this is not biased.If you’re stressed, do art.Do anything creative, and you’ll feel better.

4)Lack of motivation or inspiration.

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I hate it when I have planned my whole week before-hand and the first 3 or 4 days go well, and then on Thursday, I feel an annoying lack motivation and feel all lazy.But your body is trying to tell you something.It’s asking you to take a break.

5)You feel overwhelmed at little things and life feels out-of-control.

Self-explanatory.If your regular timetable feels like too much to you, or things feel like they’re out of your control, there’s nothing really wrong with your life.It’s just that you need a break.

6)You feel a lack of social contact.

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Source:tumblr

Whenever I’m stressed out, I call a friend.Any friend.And I instantly feel better.

7)You’re getting impatient.

Whether it’s about how life’s treating you, or your behaviour, if people tell you that you’re being impatient or cranky, you probably are.

8)You’re breaking out.

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Acne is so annoying. But I’ve learned that only working out, drinking a lot of water, and eating healthy doesn’t help.I also need to chill every once in while, maybe sleep in, or take a break.


Do you see any of these signs in your behaviour?It probably means you’re stressed out.

Read this blog-post to know how to get out of a rut/get motivated.

If you want to talk, follow me on Instagram(@nicculent)!

Subscribe to my YouTube channel(nicculent), because we’re so close to 200 subscribers and I have a really fun video planned out for you guys!

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Check out my previous blog-post here.

And, follow my blog for more helpful shiz.

I love you guys very much, and this blog is so close to 150 followers!I’m excited AF.

Au Revoir<3

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My anorexia relapse lol

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Disclaimer:I know that there are a lot of eating disorders.But I’ve only experienced anorexia, so I won’t write about the others.

I thought, that since my blog has started to grow a liiiiiiiiiiiiitle bit, I should probably stop sharing personal things and write more of the content that gets more views and ranks on the search bar(you know, trying to get that SEO right).But I just can’t call this a lifestyle blog is I’m not talking about my struggles.

If you’ve been reading this blog for 2 months AKA if you’ve read some of my very first blog-posts, I had talked about mental health and my struggles a lot(oddly enough, I was the most honest when I had no audience).

But if you haven’t read them, sorry.You can’t read them anymore.I deleted themtumblr_p87vacH1lF1qe3rwko1_500

But yet again, the tagline of this blog is “Brutal honesty.Lots of it.”So it would make me a hypocrite to not be completely honest with you guys.

Jeez.I do NOT like cheese.And this blog has ALL of the cheese.

I don’t know where to start.I’m not going to make this a storytime blog-post.I want to be quick with it.I just want to get it out there.I want to let anybody out there who is going through the same thing that they’re obviously not alone.

Seriously, no matter what you’re going through, even if you’re going off about a paper cut or some shit, you’re NOT alone.There’s  more than 7 billion people in the world.

Okay, I’m just beating around the bush here.

I recently had an anorexia relapse.And I didn’t tell my anyone about it.If my mom reads this, she’s going to lose all chill.But eff that.IDGAF.

I had had anorexia for an entire decade in my life.Right from when I was in kindergarten, which is where it all began.I don’t know how or when I decided to recover.

It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever been through yet.Worse than being cheated on.Worse than losing a pet.Worse than being physically bullied.It was horrible.I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, ANYONE.

I tried to recover when I was 14, and failed.Relapsed.Got back up, and gave recovery another try.Failed.Gave it up for a year.

Then when I was 15 something got to me and I just wanted to get rid of it already.It was getting on my last nerve.I couldn’t even chew gum without bawling my eyes out right after, because “I just ate 7 calories, oh my god, the world is going to end”.

I was at my lightest when I was 15.I was SO underweight, that as soon as I would get up from a chair, I would collapse on the floor.

I’m SO proud that I recovered.It was a really long journey, and it honestly felt like forever.I still find it shocking that I had the drive to recover from one of the deadliest mental illnesses in the WORLD.

Seriously, allow me to brag here.Who can say that they once developed one of the deadliest mental illnesses in the world, and made it out ALIVE?Not many.(I’m not saying that having anorexia is cool, I really hope you got the point.)

But this month has put me back into denial.

I don’t even know where, why, or how it began this month.

The brain is so freaking shady like that.And it’s so freaking terrifying what the mind can do.

I started getting all the urges back.The urge to skip meals.The urge to over-exercise, the urge to constantly body-check in the mirror, the urge to look up awful things like “thinspo” and “pro-ana”(seriously.PRO ANA?!Who even made that term?!).


Even after I recovered   Pretty-much ever since I could think, I have always hated my body.Always.I still hate it.I hate almost everything about my appearance, except for my cat dimples.

People call me things like “Oh, Nika, you’re hot”, “You probably get all the guys”, “you’re so thin,dude.”. I really don’t get it.They probably think I’m craving attention when I tell them that I hate my appearance.But I promise, I genuinely hate my appearance.

The one thing I absolutely love about myself is everything apart from my physical appearance.I love everything about my mind.I’m mature for my age, I have passions that I can do anything to pursue, all that good shit.

But I got back up.I’m doing a lot better now.

If you’re going through the same thing, a relapse doesn’t mean that you’re anorexic all over again.You’ve recovered before, and you can do it again.Just get back up.

Honestly, I could have told you the “No matter what size you are, you’re beautiful” BS.But it never helped me to hear that.I know that when you’re anorexic, in the middle of a relapse, or have had anorexia in the past, all that “positive” shit doesn’t work.”

But one thing that has worked for me is:

“Yeah, okay, I look like shit.What now?IDGAF.I have more things to do than worry about my weight. ”

This is one of the most honest and vulnerable rants I’ve ever posted on this blog.Like, if someone hates me and they read this post, bam.They’ve got a way to put me down.Just talk crap about my appearance.Okay, I probably gave the haters an idea.Whatever.

If you want to talk, DM me on Instagram(@nicculent).Subscribe to my YouTube channel(nicculent) .Follow this blog for more helpful stuff.

Au Revoir<3

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source-my digital art magic

 

Get your first 100 blog followers FAST-REAL ways(no BS!).

Where togo for a swim

source:my pinterest account(nicculent)

Hey, bloggers! I’m Nika.You look great today.Thanks for stopping by!

So the other day, after blogging seriously for about 3 months, I finally hit my blogging goals for summer 2k18.-which was to get a 100 followers on my blog.I still haven’t reached my YouTube goal though(I’m getting there), which was to get 200 subscribers on my my YouTube channel. Today I will be writing about my blog in specific.

Let me know if you want some rookie YouTuber tips too!I’d be glad to help.

I’m sure, that, if you’re serious about your blog, you’ve already researched quite a lot about this.You’ve probably tried most of the tips you’ve read on Pinterest., failed with some, and succeeded with some.

But I’m going to tell you what REALLY works.

These tips that I’ve picked up have truly worked for me, even though my blog has  NO specific genre(I blog about almost everything, I’m very all-over-the-place like that).

Let’s get down to the real stuff.

FIRST

Eff S.E.O.

Yes.You read that right.Till you get your first 100 followers, don’t bother with S.E.O.

If you don’t know what SEO is, then, my fellow blogger, you are missing out on research.But at the same time, tell me honestly:

Do you really think that with a blog that has less than a 100 followers, you will be able to get your blog on that top 10 on the search bar?

Now,don’t get me wrong.You might even be able to do that, if you write about trendy things like KPOP,or celebrity gossip, or horoscopes, etc.

But for most of us including me who aren’t quite fond of writing news articles and are also very poorly educated when it comes to social media marketing strategies, this never really happens.

I honestly think I’m not good at this SEO thing at all.I’ve never looked up something to see my own blog popping up.

Internet bots are bitches like that.Until you start growing your blog(like,serious growth),SEO isn’t something you should be bothered about.

“Then, Nika, what to worry about?”

Content.Make really cool, enjoyable, interesting content.

Read further to know more about this.

SECOND:

How to do “follow for follow” the RIGHT way.

I’m personally not a fan of follow for follow, at least on my blog.On YouTube, it definitely works.But for me, not on my blog.

It can be very tempting, especially since it’s not necessarily wrong to do this.

“So, Nika, why talk shit about follow for follow?”

(A)

There’s a huge chance that, after the follow for follow, the person who followed you back will unfollow you.You won’t even know who unfollowed you,because you’ve done a ton of follow for follows by now.Boom.

(B)

Don’t you want an authentic and genuinely interested audience?Like, I get it, blogging in this world is as considered as a business start-up, but a career like this will only work out if you’re truly passionate about blogging.And if you really are, at least in the beginning following and numbers shouldn’t matter to you.

“Then, Nika, what is the better way to gain followers quickly?”

The answer is here:

THIRD:

The “connect with like-minded artists” BS.

“We know that we must connect, Nika.We’re here to know HOW.”

Well, I’ll tell you.Here are the steps to follow, to connect and rapidly gain followers who are authentic, real audience:

A.Choose one topic, and possibly post a blog about it.

B.Look that topic up on your reader bar.

C.Go onto every blog-post in that search list, and leave a nice, long, real comment on it.

It may go something like this.Let’s say, the topic I chose is “exchange programs”.

My comment:

“Hey X!Love this blog.Just stumbled upon your blog, and I love it!Exchanges are always so much fun to read about, and seem to be really intriguing in a good way!It must be hard, and I’m really happy that you had a good experience!Keep blogging, ad I’d love for you to check my blog out as well:P.”

See?Imagine being the person who receives a comment like this.Obviously, you’ll go check their blog out since they left such a sweet and relevant comment.You’ll probably even follow it.

FOURTH:

What kind of content sells?

How to’s, zodiac sign related stuff, creepypasta, lists,favorites,routines,day in my life kind of posts,pretty-much anything related to the boyband BTS(no joke, even though I stan BTS, this opinion is not biased.BTS is taking over the world.), and of course,celebrity gossip.

People love that shit.

Go on a hunt, research the crap out of this topic, and write down what you figured out.

FIFTH:

Keep a blogging journal.Whenever you get an idea, note it down.Schedule your blog-posts.

This will make sure, that the next time you have a writing block but still have to make a blog-post, instead of writing BS, you can look through your ideas and write something meaningful.

Writer’s block sucks either way, though.


There’s a lot more that I want to share with you about this, but I’ll save it for later.

One thing I want to let you know is, that, at least here on my blog, you can go nuts with the blog self-promo.Go ahead, leave links to your blog.I’ll check it out.And if I really like it, I might even follow it or give it a shout-out

Yuck, too much cheese.I’m vegan.Can’t handle it.

But, that’s pretty-much it for this blog-post.

Since you’re still reading, make sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel, follow me on Instagram so we can talk, and follow my blog for more useful stuff.I’m @nicculent everywhere.

Au Revoir<3

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source-my digital art magic

 

 

 

 

“I took lucid dreaming too far” 2 CRAZY LUCID dreaming experiences.


Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things t.png

Hi!I’m Nika.You look great today.Thanks for reading my blog!

So the other day,my friend told me about this crazy lucid dream that she had wherein she made out with her celebrity crush.She lucid dreamt without even trying.And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t get jealous.After that, something in me wanted to research more about lucid dreams.I looked up “how to lucid dream” and tried following the steps,but kinda failed.But I also read through and watched some people narrating their own crazy(and in some cases terrifying)lucid dreams.

Most of the stories were really scary and weird, and although I’ve never believed in this kinda shiz it’s interesting to know how real a dream can seem, yeah?

Here are 3 of them:(I’ll have links to the original website below each story!)

P.s.None of these stories are my own.I’ve, infact, never lucid dreamt in my life.

FIRST:by anonymous.

This is a video by LoeyLane(one of my current favorite YouTubers who makes the best storytime videos ever), in which she reads the story written by an anonymous person.

I thought,since it’s a video,it’ll be easier to just put a link down here rather than write the whole story.Wouldn’t it be easier to watch something rather than read, too?

Okay, nevermind.I’ll have the written version too.

A link to the video

ANONYMOUS:

“I usually don’t believe in or was never interested in this “lucid dream” and “paranormal” world, until I watched “insidious”.I experienced this lucid dream a few nights after I watched it.I don’t know what exactly caused it, but I remember waking up in my living room to the television being on.I can’t recall what was playing,but that isn’t important.I got up,and explored the rest of my house.I was about to go to my backyard to eplore further, but I felt like something was off.When I entered the backyard, I woke up and found myself back in my bedroom.That’s when I realized that I had been lucid dreaming that I immediately jumped on the computer and researched about lucid dreaming.After a while I stumbled across one web page that referred to astral projection.I read about everything I could find on the subject and eventually became confident that this was an attainable goal.But one recurring this kept popping up during my research.”Never trust your limitations when outside your body.It’s better to be safe than sorry.”Some webpages provided the dangers of the theories of beings who were not nice to those of our kind.I read through these warnings,and thought,”how bad can they be?”.I mean, they weren’t even real.Believe me when I say this.I practised astral projection for around half of a year, making progress, and with practise, the effects got more and more intense.I would feel light as a feather.I would open my eyes and always be greeted with the vision of my own body.This excited me a great deal, but also scared the heck out of me.I never knew this was possible, and it made me think of everything else I did not know about the world and the mind.Whenever I was out of my body, I would walk around my house, but this one time,everything was a lot more vivid.I would even see my mother in her craft-room,working, my father watching television.I was always tempted to venture in my backyard,but was always hesitant.I sis not know the wonders or dangers that were held in the outside world for an astral projector.

But this one day, I was determined to go outside.Usually my “trips” lasted about 45 minutes in the real world time.But due to circumstances of the outside world, I figured I would need a little more time than that.Not wanting to scare my parents if they found my body laying lifeless, I decided to try it after they went to bed.It went as well as it did everytime.I made a conscious decision to check the clock, and it read 11:45 pm.

Before stepping onto the deck of my yard, I felt something weird,something I had never felt inside of my house.I felt sick and uneasy,but ventured further into my yard.

I walked around my backyard but sadly found nothing interesting.As I got closer to the deck of t=my yard and to the house, I saw something odd and frightening at the time.

The small window to the wall of my basement was glowing,as if someone had turned on the lights down there.I hadn’t turned the lights on.I thought my parents had woken up and gone into the basement.Scared that they would find my body there and worry too much but feeling weird since no other lights in the house were on, I ran as fast as I could to the window and decided to peek in to see what had happened,

only to be mortified.

As I looked through my window, I saw my body.But not sitting I the chair that it previously was.Beside it, I saw someone(or something) with human features,but not vivid enough to make out the gender.It didn’t notice me staring at it, and kept moving my body towards the mirror in the corner of the basement.

I don’t know what caused me to, but I tapped on the glass.It’s head jolted up to look at me through the window, I felt ill to the sight of it’s face,and more so at the fact that it didn’t move.It beckoned me to the basement.I ran into my house and into the basement, but to my surprise, it wasn’t there anymore.The lights were off as they had been before, which made it all the more weird. I switched the lights off to find my body, except for one thing.

My body was against the mirror, my head only inches away from it.”

Jeez, I still don’t believe in this shiz, but wouldn’t this make a cool movie or something?

Anyway,

cool gif

source:Tumblr mienar blog.(check her out,her art is next level)

SECOND(by anonymous):

 When I was young I slept with my door open and the hallway light on. So, I would know that there was safety near. Well, one night laying down to bed with an uneasiness in my stomach, a burning chain in my chest tugged from worry. The light in the hall radiating a warmth and safe zone in a way. The hum of my fan was always a comforting white noise for me as well. I would close my eyes each night to the comfort of these things. So, this night I fall asleep in the same routine way…
Suddenly something washes over me, I wake up, or so I think. With the fan humming in the background, I look to the right searching for the light, I see it and feel a wave of relief shudder over me. I hear a tap and I look forward from my bed, directly across from my bed is my window. As I heard the tap on the glass I see a hand, I couldn’t make it out whether it was a black glove or just dark… This was the moment I was aware I was dreaming, it all felt so real, as if I could feel myself in my own skin in the dream. I immediately pulled my comforter covers straight over my head. I can hear the sounds around me disappear along with my own breathing. I kept my eye shut tight.

Curled up into a ball, I try to do things to wake myself up – pinching my arm, pushing my eyelids shut as hard as I could, even changing my breathing patterns, at some point it worked. Then at this moment I wake up for real, with shaky hands and sweaty palms I get up and walk to my door and flip the light on in my room. It doesn’t seem like much has happened so far, but the eeriness was overwhelming, especially as a young child. Dare I brave looking out the window? Finally, after taking a few deep breaths, I walk over to look out and see nothing but my backyard. It’s silly of me to think I’d see anything considering I’m on the second floor and my room would be inaccessible without a ladder or something of the sort. I let out a big sigh then fall back to sleep for the night, not having a dream at all for the rest of the night. Thank goodness.
Years had passed, I was now in high school. Not thinking much of the dream after such a long time, I went about my weekday like I normally would. I Wake up in the morning and follow the same routine. I went to bed with the same uneasy feeling I had the night years beforehand. Maybe I was just getting into my head again… So, I just focused on breathing, until sleep came.

I tuck myself under my comforter and close my eyes, exhausted from swim practice  I am asleep. I wake up, hear the fan humming as always. I look to the right, like in the first dream. The hallway light is on, but then I hear a switch flip, I run up to the hallway and look outside and see nothing but the empty hall and closed doors, not a sound. I took a deep breath and flipped the switch to the hallway. Relieved that the light turned on, I start to walk to my bed. As I do this my door slams shut, I try and open it but it is locked, my room had a lock on the inside but it would not come undone. I’m frantically shaking the door, screaming and banging repeatedly… That’s when I heard it.

I hear a familiar tap on the window, and see the same shadowed hand lingering up against the window. The hand goes from a tapping formation into a flat hand and reals backward, it smacks it’s palm up against the glass creating a steam formation around the hand as it slams down on it. Except this time there is also a shadowed face and shoulders, the figure’s other hand holding it up against the window sill. I remember it/him having a dark black Hamburg or fedora style hat like from the 1940s along with what seemed like a nice black suit. But for his face… it was completely black or shadowed it seemed. I could barely see the whites of his eyes as a wide grin appears, almost like that of the Cheshire cat, gleaming and white, but terrifying all the same. His eyes quickly shift towards the locks and simultaneously I see both locks flip open. At this point I am now frantically screaming and crying, slapping myself across the face with both hands to wake up, screaming but no sound utters from my mouth. The only thing I can hear is a ringing in my ears slowly coming and the hum of the fan dissipating.

I didn’t know what else to do, I look towards the window as he slams it open with that damn smile still clinging to his face, as the rest of his features are still unrecognizable… He starts to climb through the window. I see him reaching in his pocket while climbing through pulling out a shining huge kitchen knife. Not being able to escape through my door, I run to my closet which is slightly agape. Yea, great, I know my fear is my closet and it’s the only thing available. Makes sense, right? I Open, the door and slam it shut, holding it tightly with one leg pushed up against it with the other planted up against my chest as I’m sitting down against the wall. The door shakes as he tries to break through, I keep trying to remember the fact that I am most certainly only dreaming, it feels real, but I know this! I am only dreaming, just dreaming! Wake up, just wake up, god damn it, Wake up! As I release the door in my dream, he slams it open with one fail swoop. I look up at the lanky, dark, empty figure and pass out from fear, but I wake up in real life.
Although this time I am no longer in my bed. I am in my closet. Knee to my chest, facing the wall and hugging my leg just as I was in my dream… It’s pitch black, behind a closed door of my closet, I can barely see, shivering and sweating I reach for the doorknob, scared of what may be beyond. I slowly creek open the door and peer out, hearing the hum of my fan and feeling the calmness of the room made me feel okay for a moment but still uneasy. I look left and right, everything seems normal. I can see the moonlight spilling onto my floor behind a closed and locked window, so I decide it’s safe. I sprint to the door, which is usually open but was now closed. I flip open the door quickly and stealthily trying not to wake up my parents. Staring out into the darkness of the hall, I flip the lights on. Out of fear of the door closing, I prop a step stool between it, leaving it open to the hallway light.

I lay down in my bed, not knowing what else to do. I’m scared to disturb either of my parents. I lay there in silence; no sleep came that night. I just stared at my ceiling, scared to look at the window, scared to look at my closet or door, scared to look anywhere. My eyes were fixated against the painted curls in my ceiling, I just focused on the twirls and tried to find images in them as if they were clouds or constellations. After a few hours of laying there lifeless, I hear my alarm chime the radio, it is playing “Brighter Than Sunshine” by Aqualung. This sends a jolt through my body, then I realize what time it was… damnit I have school.

Feeling unready for the day, I step into my swim suit and slop some clothes on over it. Headed to school, which was not my favorite thing, seemed safer than it ever had. I was very introverted, I kept to myself and talked to almost no one, I was very socially awkward, so I was known as a “quite girl.” So, having a happy connotation towards school was rare for me. When I arrived home that night after school, I was nothing short of exhausted. I ate my dinner after my second swim practice of the day, finished my homework, and laid down to (try to) sleep. A few moments before I fall asleep, I click off my new lamp, well new to me. I borrowed one from my sister, it was a kind of odd lamp. You have to click down the top, as if pushing a button. It took some effort, I pushed hard to click it off. On the edge of sleep, I hear a familiar click, and my light has been turned on, although there is no one in site. I see my closet door slightly ajar. I get up slowly, close the door, click the light off for the second time and lay down to sleep again. At this point I was concerned but I was so tired that it was hard to pay attention to anything other than shutting my eyes. I would have been more worried, but it was one of those physically exhausted moments where nothing really phases you or seems realistic. I was probably just tired, and my brain was tricking me – or so I’d hoped.
As I fall asleep, this time things my dream seems a lot faster paced than usual. In my dream I wake up with the same consciousness of knowing I am dreaming. Things happen in a similar sequence as my other dreams, I feel deep in this sleep. I try and wake myself up before anything can start to happen. I am fighting this sleep, I wake up for a split second, but my body won’t budge, I am stuck in the state staring at the circles formed in the paint on my ceiling through my eyelashes, unable to fully open my eyes… I start to feel… I start feeling something – something there with me. I can’t keep my eyes open, I fall back into my dream. This one felt different than the others. I am uncertain if it was because I was so tired that maybe my mind was a lot more into this trance than normal or if there were other things at play here.
Nonetheless, the sequence starts again, oh god, I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. I try the lights, the door, everything… in the same order. The ringing comes back into my ears and this time I look over and the man’s full body is seen, as if he is floating in front on the window (I’m on the second floor, like I said before, so that’s the only thing that made sense). This time there is no struggle for him, I try and scream and again nothing, no noise can be released. In unison with my scream, he simply thrusts his fist through the glass, breaking the entire window with one try. He steps through, I turn away from him and stumble-run for the closet.
As I open the door only to come to an abrupt stop – he is there, sitting how I was, in the same spot, staring up at me. Keep in mind his whole body is still shadowed, as if he were a shadow himself. You can tell it is a body, but the only way to describe it better is to envision him as a black, lanky, silhouette, never seeing fully who or what he was. As I stare blankly, I pause for a second, I’m not sure if I froze out of sheer fear or curiosity. I see his white eyes slowly open to meet mine and his grin widen as he had done before, as if he’s so clever. I look down at his hand, he was leaning his arm out straight letting his hand dangle casually over his knees. This shadowed hand is dripping with blood and covered in glass. The shards are sticking out, but he seems to feel nothing, no pain. He takes the fist and slams it into the wall, leaving bloody marks and glass shards behind.
I feel the whole room shake so hard it knocks me backwards against the floor. I got the immediate sensation of losing my breath and being unable to retrieve it. It was an intense feeling, if you have ever fallen off a swing or a trampoline flat on your back and had that split second where you black out or feel all the air leave your chest as you struggle to catch your breath, that is the feeling I got as I stumbled backwards and my back slammed the ground. This all feels too real, too real… I think to myself. I tilt my head to stare back behind me where he had been sitting with blurred vision, he starts to slowly rise, he’s very tall. He begins to walk towards me. As he does this I am starting to remember, I am DREAMING, this isn’t reality, maybe I have some sort of control.
At this point he is stepping over me towards my bed, I grab his leg and it feels like a cold silky cloth, it was hard to grasp, yet I pulled as hard as I could. He was taken aback that I would even try this and stumbles. Using the force of my body to pull him down I also pull myself onto my feet. Disoriented, I look over at my bed to see… well I see my body laying in my bed. I stare down at my hands shaking, I am starting to turn dark, shadowed like the man, the man who was now peering and confused, before me. Oh god… this is what he wanted the whole time… But what does he want to do with me? Why me? He reaches for the shin of my leg and pulls me back and slams me to the floor again, this time my head slams and I can feel blood trickling from my nose. I am fighting my way, tugging on the floor boards to reach, well, myself. I can feel his palms, cold and damp, pulling on my legs – trying to pull me back, trying to get past me. I glance back in fear to see him reaching with his bloody glass filled hand to pull out his knife… Unsteady he tries to slam it into my temple, I swing my arm against him causing him to miss by a longshot because of his injury, and the knife flings under my bed.
I remind myself, “you’re in your dream. This is YOUR dream.” As I think this, I realize it is a dream, not reality, so impossible things can happen as I assured myself before. If it was reality this man would be able to pin me down in an instant, but he is struggling because this is not reality. I kick back, and I can feel his teeth in my foot, blood and spit trickling down his face against my leg and foot. I run and slip a little bit, jumping to save myself. I reach within myself, what now? Wake up? What now?! I lay down into myself (I am aware this sounds odd), as I see the man hovering above me. He reaches for my throat with his one good hand, I fight to wake up. I almost wake up once, and again I am staring at my swirled ceiling eyes almost open, I can still feel his hand around my neck as I cling to reality. I fall back in, for a split second, I throw him off me and scream at the top of my lungs, no sounds uttered but a sense of concern or possibly fear washes over him, I could tell by his expression. I need to wake up, I HAVE TO WAKE UP. I’m screaming, and he scuttles backward, I still don’t remember what I screamed, but this time he was terrified, he jumps out the window, and disappears. Right before he leaped through the window he flashed me one last grin…
I wake up screaming, and immediately sit up in my bed… I look back and forth, scanning every aspect of my room, then down at my (as usual) shaky and sweaty hands. My body was also shaking now though too, not necessarily a cold shake more of an almost vibration. I think to myself “Is it done, is it REALLY done now??” I am terrified to sleep, drenched in my own sweat and tears. I walk downstairs to get some water and use the bathroom. My legs are aching, I notice a bruise. A fucking bruise on my leg that he was grabbing over and over. As well as my neck, there were red marks and my nose felt itchy… It may have been a coincidence, but it made me think, even as a teen… Can our dreams really relate to our reality? Is there some realm that connects us in a deeper level? Or am I just doing these things in my sleep, not realizing the self-harm I was inflicting… I was terrified.

I lay down in my bed, not knowing what else to do. I’m scared to disturb either of my parents, as my dad was passed out drunk, and my mom didn’t take well to being woken up, it was always a burden because I knew how much she already dealt with, with my dad. I lay there in silence; no sleep came that night. I just stared at my ceiling, scared to look at the window, scared to look at my closet or door, scared to look anywhere. My eyes were fixated against the painted curls in my ceiling, I just focused on the twirls and tried to find images in them as if they were clouds or constellations. After a few hours of laying there lifeless, I hear my alarm chime the radio, it is playing “Brighter Than Sunshine” by Aqualung. This sends a jolt through my body, then I realize what time it was… damnit I have school.

Feeling unready for the day, I step into my swim suit and slop some clothes on over it. Headed to school, which was not my favorite thing, seemed safer than it ever had. I was very introverted, I kept to myself and talked to almost no one, I was very socially awkward, so I was known as a “quite girl.” So, having a happy connotation towards school was rare for me. When I arrived home that night after school, I was nothing short of exhausted. I ate my dinner after my second swim practice of the day, finished my homework, and laid down to (try to) sleep. A few moments before I fall asleep, I click off my new lamp, well new to me. I borrowed one from my sister, it was a kind of odd lamp. You have to click down the top, as if pushing a button. It took some effort, I pushed hard to click it off. On the edge of sleep, I hear a familiar click, and my light has been turned on, although there is no one in site. I see my closet door slightly ajar. I get up slowly, close the door, click the light off for the second time and lay down to sleep again. At this point I was concerned but I was so tired that it was hard to pay attention to anything other than shutting my eyes. I would have been more worried, but it was one of those physically exhausted moments where nothing really phases you or seems realistic. I was probably just tired, and my brain was tricking me – or so I’d hoped.
As I fall asleep, this time things my dream seems a lot faster paced than usual. In my dream I wake up with the same consciousness of knowing I am dreaming. Things happen in a similar sequence as my other dreams, I feel deep in this sleep. I try and wake myself up before anything can start to happen. I am fighting this sleep, I wake up for a split second, but my body won’t budge, I am stuck in the state staring at the circles formed in the paint on my ceiling through my eyelashes, unable to fully open my eyes… I start to feel… I start feeling something – something there with me. I can’t keep my eyes open, I fall back into my dream

If you made it till the end, you probably really like creepy stuff.In that case, let me know if you want more of me blogging about the things I read.Maybe even fanfiction sometime?

Follow my blog for more,and thank you for almost 100 followers.we’re so close to 100, and I plan on writing a blog-post all about my (very short) blogging journey(of a couple of months) so far.

Subscribe to my YouTube channel, because we’re so close to 150 subscribers and I have a really exciting video coming up very soon.

If you want to know what I’m up to in real life or just want to start a conversation,follow me on Instagram!

Email:lenes.deltans@gmail.com.

I’ll see you guys in another blog-post, untill then, keep blogging<3

Au Revoir!

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Why dating is a waste-Toxic boys and highschool drama (BLOGGERTALK #1)

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Long time no rant!

Just kidding.I posted a rant a couple of days back.

Before I say HI,let me clear one thing out:There’s a shit ton of honesty in here.So if ya can’t deal with brutal honesty,you know what to do.Read a more sober article of mine.Also,this blog-post is me general opinion,and is not about any person in specific.Please don’t have assumptions!

Now,HI!I’m Nika.Thanks for reading<3

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Since I rant a ton, I decided to start a “BoggerTalk” series on my blog, like a lot of other lifestyle bloggers.

So I’ve been a single potato for quite a while now.And honestly,the best times of my life are and have been all the times that I wasn’t with a significant other.For me personally,relationships with boys that aren’t those of a friend have always had a douchey ending and have been a total waste of time apart from the fact that they made me learn a lot about boys in general.And they grew me stronger.Yeah.

Oh,boy.

It was only after I ended the last official thing(calling it  a relationship makes me cringe,so I won’t)I was in(if he’s reading this blog-post,he’s totally losing it right now.Sorry boi), that I realized just how much time I was wasting.

After my very last official end,there was a point where everything felt weird.I had committed to someone so much,that when it didn’t exist anymore,it was as if I had forgotten who I was.Most importantly, I had forgotten that I don’t really NEED a boy to “complete” me.I realized how much time I had been wasting on commitments that I was too young to make, and just how much I could have accomplished if I wouldn’t have been that naive.

I could have started this blog earlier.I could have started my YouTube channel earlier.I could have made some friends that would actually last a while.I could have worked on myself.

Now that I look back, I kind of lost my normal high-school life.I know,sounds cliche.But I really did.I grew up too fast.I was always the “mature” friend around everyone,apart from a couple of other friends who experienced similar shit.I never laughed openly,always cared about my hair and my appearance in general,I wouldn’t crack jokes,and you could clearly make out the difference between my friends’ circle and the rest of the 200 students that were part of my grade.

Basically,I never was with someone who truly made me feel like he wasn’t wasting my time and just playing around with me.And although that left me traumatized for almost a year after it ended,thank freaking goodness it ended.

I would have completely lost my mind and probably snuck my hands into electric sockets a million times(that makes no sense) if I were still wasting my time on boys.

To sum it up,although I didn’t in detail explain what happened that makes me think this way now(let’s save those crazy stories up for separate blog-posts),I would like to say that,yes,everyone has different opinions.You could be played a hundred times but still believe in this stuff.You could be lucky enough to have a significant other who actually cares.

Or you could be me,and change your whole mindset about it.

But there’s one thing I want you to know(do you notice how I’m desperately trying to be a big sister here on this blog lmao),regardless of whether you like boys or girls:

If a someone isn’t treating you right,

get out of it and do better shit, honey.

september 9, 2019 _ 2_00 pm _ findlay residence

What should the next BloggerTalk be about?

As this blog is slowly growing, I’m trying to be as honest and helpful as I can,so that this blog actually adds some value to the time that you spend reading it.

Want to start a conversation?Follow me on Instagram!Don’t forget to check my YouTube channel out as well,and help me reach my goal of 150 subscribers!Don’t forget to follow my blog for more helpful shiz.

INSTAGRAM:nicculent

YOUTUBE:nicculent

PINTEREST:nicculent

 

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Au Revoir

~Nika.

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You will NOT think the same about KPOP after listening to these songs.(monthly jam list)

 

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HI!I’m Nika.Nice to meet you.Thanks for reading<3

So,I’ve been a KPOP person for almost a year now.And let’s just say-things escalated REAL quick.My lipido has gone bonkers since the first time I watched a KPOP music video.

So,since I don’t share my “monthly faves” with you guys like any other lifestyle blogger(because I’m really bad at girly things),I decided to share my favorite music of the month with you.

FIRST

Singularity by Kim Taehyung of BTS.

This man needs to have a shrine for himself.Because he is ART.

SECOND

Don’t recall by K.A.R.D

Do you like a little bit of EDM with your KPOP?

Ya girl loves a good drop.

THIRD

Are you feeling low and need a little bit of motivation or reassurance?

Watch this music video with the English captions on.

FOURTH

IU is adorable.Period.

FIFTH

If you know KPOP,you BEST know this song huni.

SIXTH

Another good drop,along with some chill looking men.

SEVENTH

A new band.Cool bois.

EIGHTH

Monster by EXO.

NINTH

TENTH

My all time favorite rap to jam to when I need that extra motivation.

Ice Cream Party

Which is your current favorite song?It doesn’t have to be KPOP!

Thank you for reading!

Let’s talk on social media!Also,help me out to get 150 subscribers on my YouTube channel,I’d really appreciate it!

INSTAGRAM:nicculent

YOUTUBE:nicculent

PINTEREST:nicculent

Au Revoir<3

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10 SIGNS that you’ve found your PASSION/PURPOSE.

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Have you ever done something that made you think, “Holy shit,I could do this forever” ?

No,ya nasty.That’s not what I’m talking about.I’m talking about creating something with all your creativity.

Nevermind.That sounded even worse.But you get the point,right?

Now,I know that most of you guys have a passion for blogging.

These are some things that you must have experienced if you have a passion for something.Or when you are close to discovering your passion.

Because I believe that everyone has an “Ikigai(japanese word for purpose,shoutout to my mom who teaches me random japanese words here and there)” ,or a passion.

I can’t say, that in the 16 years that I’ve lived, I have found my “purpose”.Too cliche.But I have for sure found some of my biggest passions.

Here are 10 signs that you are close to figuring yours out.

FIRST

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You stop thinking pessimistically, and start naturally getting more excited about the future rather than worried.

Speaking of future,

SECOND

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You are no longer worried about success,money,or fame.You probably still desire all of those things.But you no longer do something “just for the money” and such.If you do something,it’s because you truly love it.Because,

THIRD

You have slowly started to understand the importance of time,and you feel there’s too little time and too many amazing things to do.

FOURTH

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You have a never-ending thirst for people who have similar interests as you.For people who you can relate to.For people who get you.

FIFTH

You are more scared of accepting what you want to be in the future than you were, because everything you want to be in the future is what you really desire.And your goals scare you a little, because

SIXTH

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You believe in yourself and are no longer afraid of dreaming big.You no longer make excuses like “I don’t have time” or “I’m too lazy”.You get shit done.

SEVENTH

You have found one thing that gives you the kind of high that a good workout does.The thing that you can’t stop doing once you stop.The thing that makes you lose track of time and space,and the thing that you get completely lost in.

EIGHTH

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You constantly work on getting better at a particular thing,and you enjoy learning new things.

NINTH

You now trust your gut feeling,or your intuition. Because you have realized that your intuition has taken you places and given you interests that you cherish.

TENTH

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When you talk about your interests or that thing that you love(your passion),you get excited like never before,with a shine in your eyes.And you could talk about your passion forever.

Do you ever experience any of the above for something?

Hold on to it,because that’s probably your passion.

Ice Cream Party

What is YOUR favorite thing to do(passion)?When did you figure it out?

Thank you for reading,let me know if you want more of such blog-posts because I have a ton of such ideas that I’d love to turn into blog-posts!Thank you again to everyone who checked my YouTube channel out,we’re now close to 150 subscribers.I appreciate it.

I would love to start a conversation,so check out my Instagram!

INSTAGRAM:nicculent

YOUTUBE:nicculent

PINTEREST:nicculent

Au Revoir<3

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The REALITIES of being a BLOGGER/photographer.(GUEST POST)

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NOTE:This blog-post is for a guest-post on Wonderwall360‘s blog.Thank you for allowing me to write a guest-post!For those of you guys who haven’t heard of this blog,check it out,I’m sure you’ll love it.

So,the topic of this guest-post was to be anything career related,and about struggles of having a specific career.Basically,about how some careers are not what you think they are.

Now,I definitely don’t consider myself an established blogger or photographer,I’ve just started this blog,my YouTube channel recently,and started taking my Instagram handle seriously very recently.Heck,I don’t even have 500 established subscribers yet!

But as much as I’m crap afraid of saying this,I’m saying it:

I want to be a blogger.

It’s scary to say that out on the internet.

This is where I feel my best,I have never had camera-shyness,EVER,I love what I’m doing, but one thing is for sure.

No matter how hard it’s going to be to build my personal brand in this kind of a crazy competition here on the internet,

This is what I’ve been dreaming of since I was a little 10 year old.

So the other day,I took my best friend out and begged her to have a photo-shoot with me(If she’s reading this she’s totally cringing right now).Thankfully,she enjoys taking pictures now,so she agreed.And we came across a ton of funny situations that I thought probably happen to some photographers or bloggers.

There’s a long list in my mind when it comes to this,but as of now,let’s go with 5.

FIRST

So you want to take a Tumblr picture in a cute cafe?

Me too.

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So the other day,we went into a cool cafe for a photo-shoot.As soon as we went into it,we realized,”holy shit,dude.This place is high-end”.We didn’t want to necessarily buy anything there,but we didn’t want to pay for being there either.

What did we do?(spoiler alert-It worked)

We went into it,acting casual,asked for the menus,and told the guy there that a friend was supposed to come,that we were waiting for her,and that if she didn’t show up,we would have to leave.

Yes,there was no friend coming,it was all faked lol

We took our photos,did our stuff,and then once we were done, one of us pretended to get a call from that friend.We pretended to be worried,and did that typical fast-walk-cuz-in-trouble thing,and got out of the place.

The guy believed us.We got our pictures.We uploaded them on Instagram.Deal done.

SECOND:

The following is a real conversation.

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*me posing outdoors and my friend taking a picture of me*

Friend:Dude!Dude!

Me:*stops posing*What!

Friend:There’s a weird insect on your skirt!

Me:*screams at an insane volume*

At that moment,three guys who were peacefully studying,listening to music in the same are,got traumatized and got the hell outta there.

Oh well,but we got our pictures.

THIRD:

So as an amateur blogger who cares about her Instagram feed,I tend to ask my friends to take pictures of me all the time.And everything is good,except for one thing.

I can’t pose to save my life.

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This is a real coversation between me and a friend who was taking pictures of me.

Me:What do I do?What do I do?

Friend:Wait,wait.I’ll tell you.*finds an angle that hides my double-chin*

Friend:Okay,smile.

Me:*smiles*

Friend:

:That looks fake.Bigger smile.

:No nonono!That makes you look like Freddy.Okay,show your teeth maybe.

:No not that much!

:Okay let’s do a serious but hot look.Glare at the camera.

:No!You look angry!

:Show sass!

:No!You look like you’re about to cry!

:Okay let’s do a close-up.

:*zooms in* Oh shit,nevermind.Bad idea.

I’m literally the most awkward poser,like,ever.Fashion blogging is NOT my thing,lol.

FOURTH:

SEO.

Oh,bloggery.

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SEO is like an annoying Ex.You never understand it till you do,and it takes a ton of time to get the hang of it.But you want it in your life.

Do I even need to explain this?If you’re a regular blogger,I hope you can relate to my misery.

P.s.SEO is not the same as CEO.You’re welcome.Even I’m kind of shook by that.

FIFTH:

Having proper blog promotion skills.

This includes making good Pinterest graphics to promote your blog,being that annoying person on Instagram who always talks about their blog in every caption,maybe even starting a YouTube channel to grow your audience,

The struggle is real.

But so worth it.And SO enjoyable.

That’s pretty-much it for today’s blog,I hope this blog gets selected for the guest-post lol,that was the whole point of it.

Ice Cream Party

What’s one thing that annoys you, about your career?

If you want to read more of such blog-posts,let me know in the comments,because y’all know,ranting is my thing.Follow my blog if you want to read more of my blog-posts in the future,because I blog every other day.

As usual,check out my YouTube channel if you haven’t,and follow me on Instagram.

INSTAGRAM:  nicculent

YOUTUBE:nicculent

Love you,Au Revoir!<3

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10 Best Buzzfeed articles of all time.

You know what the second best place on the internet to waste your time is,apart from YouTube of course?

Buzzfeed.

A magical place full of quizzes that never result in the right answer but still claim to be super accurate,where you start,and get lost,and then realize that you’ve literally spent all your study or work time watching all of their videos and reading all of their articles.

And we still go all in.I mean,at least all the internet addicts,or,well,me.

It’s all or nothing,huni.It’s extra or nothing.

So I went on a little hunt-and here I am,about to show you a few of my favorite articles currently(AKA this week because it changes every week).Prepare to either not check any of them out or check one out and get absolutely hooked and uncontrollabe.

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22 Pictures That Prove Indians Give The Least bleeps In The Entire World(I can’t swear cuz my mom reads my blog too lol but you get the point)

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Whether you’re Indian or not(which I am),or you relate to this or not(which I’m sure none of us do,me included),it’s hilarious.Here’s the link.

Buzzfeed article link #1

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The 19 Most Hilarious Moments From The Second Season Of “BFFs With Vogue”

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To be honest,I don’t even watch this stuff.But the article is,oddly funny.And oddly,well,odd.

The link to Buzzfeed article #2

<3>

17 Things That Will Make Every Indian Go, “I Thought It Was Just Me”

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Only 3 of them were relatable,but still.

Link to Buzzfeed article #3

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Tells Us What You Think Of These Trendy Foods And We’ll Tell You Where You Livescreenshot_2018-04-30-20-37-34.png

Okay,first off,can we take a moment to cringe at the fact that literally none of Buzzfeed’s quizzes are accurate,and some of us STILL take them?

Link to Buzzfeed article #4

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These Five Simple, But Random Questions Will Help Us Accurately Guess Your Zodiac Signscreenshot_2018-04-30-20-42-41.png

Not even close to accurate.But I love it.

Link to Buzzfeed article #5

<6>

Pin Some Food And We’ll Reveal Your Dream Cityscreenshot_2018-04-30-20-43-19.png

Okay.This one was a little accurate.

Link to Buzzfeed artivcle #7

<7>

Can We Guess Your Current Relationship Status Based On The College Movie You Cast?

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No,you can’t,Buzzfeed.

Link to Buzzfeed article #7

<8>

13 People Who Kind Of Got Owned This Week

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The link lol

Well,that’s pretty-much it for today’s blog.I decided to experiment and write different kinds of blog-posts this time(you know,just being a typical blogger trying to figure out that SEO shiz).

Let me know what you think of these kinds of blog-posts,because it’s a ton of fun researching for them.

Thankyou guys so much for subscribing to my YouTube channel(if you did),because I finally hit my goal of 100+ subscribers within teo weeks of starting my channel!It was all because of you,and I will keep making videos that you guys enjoy.

And,if you haven’t subscribed to my YouTube channel already or want to connect and start a conversation,I’d love for you to subscribe and follow me on Instagram!Lastly,I’d love for you to follow this blog,and help me out to get 100 followers by this summer.

Here are all the links:

INSTAGRAM:nicculent

YOUTUBE:nicculent

I love you guys,Au Revoir,see you in a few days~

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The one way to deal with ALL your fears.

#thethingaboutfears

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It’s so ironic that I’m writing this blog-post,because I’m that one person who has the most ridiculous fears.I’m not talking about fears of lizards,that’s normal.

I’m talking-fears of circles,fears of sleepovers,and fears of butterflies.Yup.

But I have had a ton of actual,real fears that I have worked on.And I got rid of most of them.The thing about fears is, everyone,deep down,knows exactly how to get rid of them.They just don’t know it.

You’re probably thinking,”Nika,What are you talking about?If I knew how to get rid of my fears,I would have already been rid of them”.

No.Hear me out.

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The only way to get rid of your fears is to face them.

Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t know this?Of course you did.

Why then,does our mind convince us that we’re confused and don’t know how to handle it?I don’t know.I’m not a professional.But I think that it’s because we’re scared.

Okay,now let’s get down to the real info.How you do “face” your fears?

You already know the answer.Just go and do that thing.

But I’m not here to only tell you to “go for it”.I’m going to tell you HOW to “go for it”.

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Some easy ways to face your fears that have worked for me are:

1.Talk to your fear.

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Like,in your mind.You don’t want to be called crazy when you’re not lol

Talk to your fear as if it’s a different person.

For example,I was crap scared of getting out of the house(a whole another story). When I decided to talk to my anxious self,this is how it went.

Imagine me ready to get out of the house.

Anxiety:You can’t get out of the house.

Me:why?

Anxiety:You’ll never know when something bad happens.Be safe.

Me:Are you sure of that?

Anxiety:No.

Me :And what if something good happens?

Anxiety:….

See?It makes things easier.Because now you know that your fear isn’t YOU.

2.Create an “Ideal identity”, or an ‘Alter ego”.

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I figured out my alter ego, or my ideal identity not that long ago.I’m still trying to figure it out.It doesn’t have to be a whole different person.

Like,when Lilly Singh(if you don’t know her,you’re majorly missing out in life) was depressed,she created “Superwoman”, someone she wanted to be.She kept calling herself that.”Superwoman is stronger and smarter than Lilly Singh”,she kept telling herself.She started living like superwoman.She started calling herself by that name on the internet.

Eventually,she became superwoman.

Now everyone knows her as superwoman more than her real name.

Once I figure out mine,I’m sure I’ll write a blog-post on it.

3.Talk to someone who has already destroyed the same fear that you have.

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Reassurance.That’s what it does.

When you actually finally get rid of your fear,you’ll realize how tiny and easy it was.

It’s all in the head.

 

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What’s your biggest fear?

Thankyou guys for reading,follow this blog,if you’d like to read more of it.Check out my YouTube channel if you want to,and follow me on Instagram to connect.I’d love to start a conversation on any of these platforms.Links down here:

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Au Revoir<3

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